Sakee & Rayne :: SCOTCH

      Kay is sitting on the couch. She’s almost being swallowed by the big black cushions. It’s an old couch. You sink into it when you initially sit down. If you stay sitting there for over an hour, you almost feel as though it’s closing in on you, trying to wipe you from the face of the earth. Maybe that’s why she’s been sitting in it for so long now.
      The alarm clock went off at seven this morning. She forgot to shut it off. It’s Saturday. She doesn’t go in to work on Saturdays. She was a little drunk last night. Kay always forgets to do things when she’s drunk.
      The sky beyond the windows is dark and low. The clouds seem to almost be touching at the treetops. It’s raining again. It’s been raining for days now. The thunder echoes across the city. The cars outside are still speeding along the street. Their headlights bounce off the wet asphalt.
      It’s after ten o’clock. She’s been away for three hours. The couch is slowly swallowing her whole. She doesn’t really care. With every inch the couch takes, she downs another bit of scotch.
      The bottle is a deep green—emerald, really. The label is parchment, almost. It’s supposed to look old. Really, it is. A friend has bought this for her. For Christmas or Easter or a birthday or something. A ten-year-old scotch. Apparently very fine to the palette.
      Kay hasn’t noticed. She doesn’t notice these things anymore. Little things of enjoyment are slowly being drowned away in a world of monotony, of routine, of monochrome colouring.
      Rayne has started to notice her friend. She’s noticed that one beautiful glass is always on the mahogany coffee table. There’s always that goldish film on the bottom of the glass. The ice-cube tray is never full, either.

      The sky is so dark. The colours outside seem to be painted over with a grey tone. Everything is so dark these days.
      Rayne hops off the bus as it stops. She forgot her umbrella. She’s got another block to go before she gets to the building.
      Tossing her jacket over her head, she starts the run.
      Kay missed their breakfast at the coffee shop this morning. It’s still raining today. She hasn’t answered the phone at all.
Rayne knows what her ex is doing.

      The rain is slowing now. Kay watches it as she leans forward, reaching for the bottle. She’d planned on keeping this for a special occasion. It had been sitting in her cupboard for a year now. She saw no reason to let it sit there any longer. The scotch was a gift that should be used. She was using it now.
      The door of her place opened. She heard it. She heard keys jingle. Kay stared out the window, a freshly poured glass of scotch in hand, and wondered why she had ever given Rayne a set of keys.
      Rayne saw her friend sitting on the couch. She saw the bottle of scotch, nearly empty. She dropped her bag on the floor, slipped off her shoes, jacket, and wet socks. She didn’t say anything as she stepped around the couch and sat down beside her friend.
      Kay held the glass with a loose grip. She kept staring out the window as Rayne sat down. She bit her lip against the tears that were now collecting in her eyes.
      Rayne took the glass from her friend’s hand and placed it on the coffee table. She put the top back on the bottle of scotch. Rayne looked at her friend through the corner of her eye and sat back.
      Kay stopped trying to bite her lip. Her tears slipped along her face in silence. Rayne took her hand in silence. The storm outside kept raging all the while.

Sakee & Rayne :: UNAFFECTED

Sakee & Rayne :: September 14-2004 (19:39)

UNAFFECTED

      Kay's sitting on the edge of the bed. Her barefeet are planted firmly against the cold hardwood floor. Only her toes are visible -the rest of her feet hidden within the wide-ankled khakis she's wearing. Her elbows are planted squarely -painfully- into the tops of her knees. Her fingers are tented. Her index fingers press against the bridge of her nose, the tips almost wanting to pierce into her skull between her eyebrows. Her shoulders are hunched forward. Her eyes are shut. Her hair would be covering her eyes if it weren't for her fingers there.
      The window is open. It's been raining for over an hour now. She woke to the sound of the rain. Normally it's the thunder that wakes her. This time it was the rain. It's always the sound of rain now. The trillions of water droplets, hurtling toward the ground in a grand kamakaze style. She used to love listening to the rain. She could sit in this place and listen for hours on end. Now she hates the sound. With rain comes memories. With rain comes conversations. With rain comes pain.
      She opens her eyes and stares down at her toes. Her pants are rumpled and wrinkled. Her shirt is, too. She fell asleep in her clothes. She's been doing that a lot these days.
      The computer in the other room hums. The sound is a loud droning. It's not even quiet anymore. Once upon a time, it was a calming white noise. Now it almost seems to be screaming at her. She can nearly hear it saying "You see what I can do? You see the kind of pain I can relate?" She sighs and shuts her eyes again. There's music playing from the computer. She wants to get up and shut it off. She wants to take the three speakers, tear them from the tower, and hurl them out the windows to watch them shatter on the streets below.
      Kay wants so very many things. And she knows she can never have any of them.
      "We could have made it work, we could have found a way.
      We should have done our best to see another day.
      But we kept it all inside, until it was too late.
      And now we're both alone, the consequence we pay,
      For throwing it all away, for throwing it all away."
      Kay shuts her eyes against the music drifting through her home. She shuts her eyes tight, squeezing her eyelids together, forcing a wall around her body. Forcing the lyrics to stay away from her thoughts.
      Her eyes break open and she stares outside. The rain is falling from the sky. The lightning is cutting through the heavens. The thunder is echoing in her ears. The music is still not drowned away.
      She stares at the window. The raindrops keep hurling themselves against the glass. Like bugs being crushed against the windshield of a moving vehicle. How many times now has she felt like a bug being quashed underfoot? How many more times will she feel like this?
      The music in the other room changes a little. She tries to pay it no attention. She could easily just stand and shut off the speakers. Or shut down the entire computer. It's late, after all. The clock on her nightstand is reading a little before four o'clock in the morning. She's been awake for over an hour, now.
      A soft ruffle silences her thoughts. She hears long, calm, and dense breathing. The rain pounds against the window now. She reaches forward and closes it. The outside world is suddenly cut away.
      "What's wrong?" asks a groggy voice.
      "Nothing," answers Kay, always looking outside.
      The ruffle of blankets again. "You sure?"
      "Yes."
      A few moments of silence pass by. The blankets ruffle a little again, softly. It's a strong contrast to the howling wind and rain outside. The storm has suddenly become so much stronger.
      "There's nothing left to prove.
      My heart's forever true."
      The music keeps playing in the other room. Though the volume hasn't changed at all, Kay hears it louder than before.
      "Sakee?"
      Kay shuts her eyes again. Her toes press into the cold floor for a moment before leaving it entirely. She lies back on the bed. Her arms pillow her head and she stares up at the ceiling. She is suddenly aware of just how uncomfortable she is in her clothes.
      "Sakee."
      "I'm fine, Rayne." Kay stares at the ceiling without blinking, listening to the storm outside and the raging music. "Go back to sleep."
      The blankets ruffle again. A soft sigh slips from someone's lips. Kay really isn't sure if it's her own breathing or Rayne's.
      "You should change into pyjamas," says Rayne softly after a very long silence.
      Kay looks to her left. There's just enough light filtering through the storm. She can see Rayne watching her. The sheets are drawn up to her chin. There's a pained and concerned expression on the young woman's face.
      "I'm not tired."
      Rayne shuts her eyes. "Was it a nightmare?"
      "No."
      "Was it the storm?"
      "No."
      A pause. "Do you want me to shut off the computer?"
      Several moments of hesitation. "No," is spoken very softly, very slowly, very cautiously.
      "Okay."
      The storm outside all but stops suddenly. Kay looks out the window and watches as the raindrops fall in a methodical rhythm against the street lights. It's much slower now. Not the horribly suicidal mission from above.
      Rayne's breathing is much slower now, too. Kay smiles a little and turns on her side. She watches her friend sleep. That's all they are. Friends. Other than that one kiss, nothing has happened. Nor will anything ever happen. They tried that, once, not too long ago. It didn't work-out.
      'So many things haven't worked-out,' she thinks to herself, watching her friend.
      Kay reaches forward and pulls the blankets up over Rayne's shoulder. "Sleep well," she whispers.
      The rain starts its destructive bombardment again. The sound is harsh against the glass windows. She sighs and shuts her eyes.
      "So what should I do?
      Just lay next to you?
      As though I'm unaffected?
      And who should I be
      When they're judging me?
      As though I'm unaffected?"
      Kay sits up again, planting her feet on the cold floor. She stands now, moving through the rooms of the appartment. She reaches her computer and pushes three keys. The music stops. The humming dies away. The screen goes blank.
      She stares at the darkness in the room for a long while, standing in front of the metal desk. She runs both hands through her hair. Her fingers pressing into her scalp, her neck, her jaw. She runs her palms over her face and stands that way for a while -face buried into her hands.
      'Why can't I be unaffected?' she asks herself silently, stepping back into her room and lying on the blankets, staring at the ceiling, compeltely unaware that the storm has stopped, and that she has fallen back into a dreamless sleep.

Sakee and Rayne :: Just A Kiss

Just A Kiss

      “Sakee?”
      “Mmm?”
      “You asleep?”
      “Mmm hmm.”
      “Liar.”
      Kay turns over, facing Rayne. With her eyes still shut, “You know it.”
      “Did you sleep well?”
      “I am sleeping very well, thank you.”
      “We should get up.”
      “I have no desire to get out of bed today.”
      “We should still get up.”
      “We should also not be in the same bed.”
      “That’s why we should get up.”
      Kay opens her eyes and sighs a little—softly. “Rayne…” Her voice trails away. She looks at her friend, and quietly slips out of bed. She strides into the kitchen and puts the kettle on to boil. Her palms anchor into the counter top and she shuts her eyes, leaning on her arms and staring into the empty sink.
      “We didn’t do anything,” says Rayne, stepping into the large kitchen and leaning against the fridge. “Just a kiss.”
      Kay sighs her reply, “I know.”
      Both women stand in silence, neither one looking at each other. Kay bows her head and stares at the countertop. Rayne shuts her eyes and listens to the clinking fridge. The kettle starts to whistle softly. Within a second or two, the sound it makes is a screaming cry to be removed from the hot element.
      Neither women move.
      The small dark blue, metal kettle begins to shake under the pressure of the boiling water. Rayne reaches over and pull it away from the element. She turns the dial on the stovetop and the fire-red metal of the hot burner slowly begins to fade a little—even though heat continues to ripple the air.
      Kay pulls two mugs from the cupboard. Rayne draws a couple of spoons from the dishwasher. Kay stares at the empty mug and leaves the kitchen for the security of the living room. Rayne follows. Both mugs remain empty on the counter, the spoons sitting idly by, and the boiling kettle finally calming itself.
      Kay sits on the couch. Rayne follows. They sit at opposite ends—almost skirting further away from one another. They remain in silence for a long while more.
      Outside the cars are speeding by. They splash and honk at each other. The window is open; the sound is so much louder now—suddenly. There’s a cool breeze filtering into the room. The air smells fresh—wet. It must have rained last night.
      “I don’t know why it hurts so much,” says Rayne suddenly, looking over at her ex.
      Kay stares at the floor. The empty bottles aren’t beside the couch anymore. She wishes they were. She wants to break each and every one of them now. Shatter them. Reduce them to minute fragments of gleaming rubble.
      She doesn’t say anything to Rayne’s words.
      “I wish I could make it go away for you, Sakee,” says Rayne softly, moving over to sit beside her friend.
      “Why do you call me that?” asks Kay softly, looking to her ex.
      Rayne shrugs and smiles a little. “Not really sure. I think it has to do with all that Sake liquor we drank. Remember that?”
      Kay smiles a little, “I remember the initial ordering. I remember the drinking. But after that, it’s all a blur!”
      Rayne smiles and laughs a little. Kay laughs, too, gently. They both fall to silence.
      “Are you okay?” asks Kay, looking over to Rayne.
      “Yeah,” she answers with a small smile. “I’m a lot more okay than you are,” she adds softly, her hand finding Kay’s and holding it gently.
      “I’m fine.”
      “You wish,” says Rayne in a soft whisper.
      A long silence follows. There never used to be this kind of silence between them. Now, it seems to hover between them. A soft, gentle, and comforting silence.
      “I’m sorry about kissing you last night,” says Rayne, looking out the window.
      “Don’t be,” answer Kay.
      “Shouldn’t have done it.”
      “Why not?” presses Kay, looking her friend in the eyes. “I wasn’t drunk. I wasn’t emotionally shattered. I was in control of my own thoughts. I could have said no.” She’s quiet for a moment. “Unless…”
      “No,” says Rayne, “I was in control, too. I saw this coming with Sara almost from the get-go of the relationship. We both knew it would never possibly work-out. But we tried anyway.” She’s silent for a while. Finally, she releases Kay’s hand. “We’re too strong together,” she says, standing and moving into the kitchen to boil the kettle again.

Sakee

Sakee and Rayne

      One's sitting in the comfortable office chair at the desk. A bottle -still nearly full- of Bacardi's Raz sits in a small puddle of cool water, soft droplets of thick condensation forming over the bottle.
      She's playing something at the computer. It looks like Minesweeper.
      The other one is sitting on the couch. She's got an empty bottle of Smirnoff Ice -Green Apple- clenched between her palms. Her feet are tucked under her body. She's staring blankly into space. There are two more empty bottles beside the couch.
      "She doesn't love me."
      The other looks over from the computer screen. "Kay, stop drinking."
      "All right."
      A long silence follows. Then, the sound of wheels rolling across hardwood flooring echoes softly -slowly.
      Kay looks to her friend. "What did I do? I mean, what? Did I do something? Did I not do something? How can she say it, Rayne?"
      Rayne sighs, taking the empty bottle from her friend and placing it on the floor with the others. She sits on the couch. "Kay, you didn't do anything."
      "Then why did this happen?"
      "I can't answer that. And I won't even try to give reasons. She's the only one who knows."
      Kay turns and looks to Rayne. "I don't think even she knows."
      Rayne smile and pulls her friend into a hug. "Oh, Sakee," she says gently, using the pet name. "It doesn't really matter. I really don't know why this shit happens. But better to cry over it than be angry."
      Kay looks to her friend, "Guess so."
      Rayne smiles a little and hugs her friend closer. "I do know how you feel, though. Feel the same way about this whole Sara break-up. We're a good pair, you and I."
      Kay sighs softly. "So what happened with you two anyway?"
      "I don't know," answers Rayne, resting her head back against the couch and shutting her eyes, face turned toward the ceiling. "She too whimpy, maybe? I'm too tough?" She's silent for a minute. "We're just way too different. Two completely opposite extremes."
      Neither woman says anything. Kay watches her friend for a long while in silence.
      "We were good together," says Rayne suddenly, quietly.
      Kay nods her head. "We were."
      Rayne looks over. "You never once backed-down from an argument," she says with a smile.
      "You never let me."
      They watch each other silently.
      "I think we're too strong together," says Kay after a long time passes.
      Rayne nods her head.
      "Another drink?" asks Kay, standing and moving toward the kitchen.
      Without warning, Rayne takes her ex's hand softly and tugs. Kay follows the soft beckoning and sits on the couch beside her friend. Rayne's body moves forward until her lips press Kay's gently.
      The movements are slow and cautious. But there is an underlying urgency -a desire- in the motions.
      Rayne shuts her eyes, always moving slightly forward. Kay leans backward until she's lying on the couch.
      The only sounds in the room are coming from the hum of the computer, the clicking of the refridgerator, and the angry traffic outside. Both women are silent. Even their thoughts are hushed as their bodies take control of the situation.